Dear Dr. Love, What Should I Do on a First Date?

Dr. Love puts an end to gloomy June with answers to your burning questions! We promised 2 questions answered every Friday, but since this is the first post our new Dr. Love is working on, we have a bonus question answered right at the end!

Submit your questions related to image, dating and relationship here or email us at Dr. Love promises you love and dating advice every Friday!

Should I give a gift on the first date? – Female reader

It really depends! If you’ve been friends with him for a long time, it would be really cute to give a small little gift after the first date!

BUT – if it is an arranged or blind date which you have yet to speak with him before, it may feel a little too soon to present him with a gift during the very first time you’re meeting him. It may seem cute and sweet in our opinion, but it may also come across as a little pushy!

On a first blind date, does the guy need to send the lady home?
– Male reader

It is not a need. As much as it is nice of you to drop her off at somewhere convenient for her to get home, or even drop her off right at her door step, do keep in mind that she doesn’t know you that well yet at this point. This act of kindness may backfire as it may come off creepy and a little stalkerish!

Hence, the safest bet is to ask her to drop you a call or text once she’s home.

Bonus: Should I Change?

I’m 25 years old this year. My last relationship was 2 years long and it ended in 2015. I met him in university and we broke up after both of us started working.

After breaking up, it took me awhile to get over him. When I eventually got over him, I realised my work environment doesn’t allow me to meet a lot of new people (of suitable dating age) and even if there are any guys who are interested in me, somehow, I’m afraid to commit to the relationship and never had the idea of progressing further.

Recently, I chatted casually with my friends (who are all attached) and they asked me about my expectations. I didn’t mention much about physical appearance as I am looking for a guy who can communicate with me. I further elaborate with examples such as – when I feel angry about a certain situation, he will be able to listen and give me advice instead of

1) Telling me I’m always right cause I’m his girlfriend
2) Always saying okay and has no other reactions.

If I put it simply, I want to have quality conversations – someone who can pull me back to ground when I’m in a desperate situation.
Of course, I also added that the guy must be presentable looking at least.

Most importantly, I’m known to be extremely alpha – I like to make decisions (on my own) and I don’t really see a point to share my emotions to anyone. As a matter of fact, my whole body is covered with tattoos.

I really don’t know why I don’t get to know any guys who like me. I mean, I have heard friends telling me that their friends think that I’m cool or good-looking but they are all afraid to approach me or talk to me.

Am I really the problem here? How should I change (definitely not removing my tattoos)?

Hello dear,  thank you for submitting your question.

Firstly, I see that beyond just looking for a guy who can communicate with you, you’re looking for a tonnes of other things too – which is perfectly normal and common in every one of us! Often, singles start off saying that they don’t expect much – but ends up adding more and more requirements as they go!

Let me analyse your expectations for you. You’re looking for a man who:

  1. Can communicate with you.
  2. Can respond to your problems the way you want him to.
  3.  Can advise you and not just blindly support you in everything you do.
  4. Looks presentable. (Really subjective!)
  5. Is able to accept your tattoos.
  6. Is able to accept your individualistic personality.

Before even looking at the man who can fit all these requirements, the first question you have to ask yourself is are you looking in the right places?

Are you constantly swiping right, holding temporary and superficial conversations with guys and going to clubs/nightlife places to try to meet the one? Are you looking within your existing social network (which guys you have already known and not felt a thing for), which seems to always be the case? Of course, there are many cases whereby people meet through such settings, but often, guys who are lurking around such places are not looking to commit. Expand your social network by meeting and hanging out more with people you want to meet. Social circle and network is very important, although most people don’t realise it.

If you’re constantly hanging out with people who deal with things the superficial way, chances are, people they introduce to you will be the same! If you’re really looking for someone you have not met, then you have to first go to places you haven’t been!  As for your tattoos, it is really a negligible thing today. Many guys in today’s society are okay with tattooed ladies. Don’t try to change yourself for one who can’t accept you wholeheartedly.

However, when it comes to personality, I see two conflicting factors. You’re looking for a man who cares so much and enough to come to understand you and communicate with you the way you want, but at the same time, you’re expecting him to stay away when you don’t want to share your emotions, or share the responsibilities of making decisions together.

Love is a two-way effort. There’s always give and take, sacrifices and compromises. An individualistic person may demand for things to be done their way as and when they like it to, but often they’re blinded by the fact that the other partner also has his or her emotional needs attended to. If you want to look for a life-time partner who can share everything with you and vice versa that you have yet to meet, my advice is you have to start becoming a little of what you never were. In a positive way and manner – start sharing a little and be less intimidating, as it is obvious by now that you seem unapproachable to some men. Take it as an observation, you can always go back to how you were before, if you don’t like being that way!

Love is always an experimentation and trial & error. Nothing  positive you do will assure you an absolute positive result, but chances are, you reap what you sow. But the same can’t be said about negativity.

If you want to start attracting positive, accepting and understanding individuals, you have to first become one.

All the best,
Dr. Love

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