Dear Dr Love,
I have a friend who was my coursemate in university, and we kept in touch even after graduation. I told him that we can get to know each other more and hopefully it would lead to better things like a relationship.
He and I have gone out a few times after that.
Since then, I have realised that he and I have very different lifestyles. He goes to the gym 4-5 times a week, including both Saturday and Sunday and his diet mostly consists of healthy salads and soups and he doesn’t eat desserts. This is in contrast to me. I exercise more casually and I am open to eating cakes and other treats (my mum bakes).
After I told him honestly that I do not see this becoming a relationship (because honestly, I am worried that he would end up controlling my parent’s diet, as that is what he does to his parents, and/or rejecting anything my mum makes), he told me he was willing to change his lifestyle for me. I really think he’s being considerate but I will be rather selfish to force him to change his lifestyle because he stresses out once he gains even 1kg of weight.
So what I would like to ask is how do I tell him nicely that I would still like to keep my options open and not commit to a relationship with him because I honestly cannot envision this working because we are too different?
Honesty goes a long way especially in relationship matters. It is great that you foresee potential problems before embarking on a relationship with your course mate and willing to address them. You can tell him that it is really sweet of him to be willing to change his lifestyle for you but share your concerns as well that you do not want him to change for you as it is like you said, rather selfish and also, it’s better to be friends instead. I am sure that being a gentleman, he will understand where you are coming from.