why you should not date someone you want to change


After my previous relationship has ended, I have been on Paktor (ok stop asking me how well Paktor works, I have been off for more than a year already) and of course, dating here and there…

For a lil bit. Obviously, nothing blossomed BUT I have met a few really awesome people and made friends. Friends are forever, anyway. 😛


When I shared with my friends how I ended things with someone ‘cause I didn’t like something about them… I get questions from them, such as “Why didn’t you tell him that if you didn’t like it?” It’s because I don’t believe in being with someone you want to change. It could be habits, lifestyle, personality, anything that is major enough for you to think that you don’t want to be with that person. …

1.The idea of changing someone else.

I do not believing in changing the other party just to make a relationship work. Especially when we’re just dating – It’s all about getting to know each other . I know I know, there’s this thing called compromise, I get it. But I don’t agree.

It just comes off as, “This is what I want – take it or leave” except it sounds x100000 better. It’s as good as a threat and no, I don’t believe in it.

2.Your lifestyles will not suddenly and miraculously match like puzzle pieces.

If your lifestyles are different now, trust me, you could work things out for a few months, or even years… But it WILL all go back to square one. He will get sick of changing his routine or giving up things he likes just for you and so will you.You gonna end up taking the blame on every night he wants to hang out with his friends but can’t. Or for every stick of cigarette he wants to smoke.

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3. It will be a rollercoaster ride. And it will be toxic.

Nothing of extreme opposites go smooth and well 247. You are literally signing up for the worst ride ever, and you gotta go on the ride for most of the days of the week. Yes, the height of your happiness will be maxed out for sure.. But out of the 7 days, y’all probably gonna be arguing for 5 days. So are the 2 days of happiness really worth it when you’re risking your health and putting your time on waste? Nononono. Been there done that. Trust me, you’d rather date someone else.

It is tiring af and by the end of it, you’ll realise you’ve been wasting each other’s time.

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4. It will not make anyone a better person.

I live by this rule: “You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.”

And it will give you a headache most of the time.

5. Respect

Ultimately, just because he isn’t good enough for you, doesn’t mean he can’t be the best to someone else. If you can’t stand or appreciate an individual as an individual is, I recommend you to gtfo and let someone else take over.

And that is why, I will not ever explain myself to my date if I end things with him (unless he really wanted to know why things didn’t work).

Just because he isn’t the one I can accept doesn’t mean he’s lacking in any way. It will be hypocritical of me to ask him to change.


Guest written by Cokeofalltrades

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